12 Years a Slave: Lessons for a Family Learning Together

From the very beginning of the movie, my heart was in my throat. Tight, anxious. I knew the story and knew it would be hard. But film has a way of bringing us into a world so completely that we feel we are there, right alongside, bearing witness in a way that feels more than intellectual. We come into this other world emotionally and physically as well.
Our family had made a date to see 12 Years a Slave together. Although my sons are 16 and 13, and I knew the film would be horribly violent and challenging on many levels, I wanted them to see it. It felt important that they experience what critics have said is the most realistic portrayal of slavery yet. I checked in with others to see if they thought it was okay to take teens. Some said no. Most said it would be fine for mature teenagers, but to make time to talk and process after.
My friend Erika quoted the actor Chewitel Ejiofor who plays the main character Solomon Northup: “I absolutely think that kids in school should see this movie…I think it’s never too late and it’s never too early to start learning and talking about human respect. I think that’s the overall message of this film.”
Leroy said: “America would be a more honest place if young high school aged kids (that no doubt are exposed to violence, bigotry, racism, etc. everyday, either through experience or some media outlet) dealt with the subject of slavery within the context the director creates…MAKE SURE TO HAVE A FOLLOW THROUGH PLAN!!! DEEPLY AGITATING FILM!”
Okay, then. I took both Erika and Leroy’s comments to heart. We went to a late afternoon show, and had dinner together afterwards. Our conversation started on the edges. The actors we recognized from other movies. The book on which the movie was based. The cinematography. The subjects my sons were studying in school and how they related to the movie.
We went a little deeper, but only a little. How sobering it was that this story took place in a not so long ago time. Who was good, who was bad? How could one country seem like two? In one a black man walked freely, in another the same man was property.
The thing was, my husband and I were also still processing the film, over dinner with our boys, then later that night, and then again the next day. The story had moved in with us a little.
So this will take time. What can we, as a family, learn from this experience together? What would I like my sons to take from seeing this film? What am I still learning?
Learn the truth about history. This film gave us a chance to go beyond what we learn in history books, taking us into the human story of slavery. Human stories are the truth. I hope that seeing this movie and other experiences gives my sons a sense of always digging, always wanting to know more, and always going beyond the official version of the truth.

Think about the real American heroes. Our country is founded on a system of institutional and structural racism, and slavery is among the strongest examples of that reality. This is a hard truth to accept while at the same time enjoying the freedoms our country offers. 12 Years a Slave showed me human dignity and beauty in the face of extreme oppression. That story of slavery, not the stories of land ownership and wealth, should become the narrative of what our country stands for. It is a sad and beautiful story, and so much less full of contradiction than the narrative of white European settlement.
Good and evil will always co-exist. How then do we stay true to the good even when evil dominates? So many of the Southern whites in the film were domineering, violent, oppressive people. Yet good existed in there, too. The human respect we witnessed of white friends in the North. The life-changing kindness of one character. It is possible to overcome hatred and oppression, and sometimes just one act can begin to change the trajectory.
We’re not finished learning. This was just one film representing just one man’s story among so much human struggle and loss over slavery. Bringing these stories to life is powerful and can help us see not just our American past, but also our present lives differently. If this is a foundation of the American experience, then how does the trauma of that experience affect who we are today and how we interact with racial injustice and the communities that bear the wounds of historic oppression? No more denying it doesn’t affect us. It absolutely should.
Just tonight, a few days after seeing the movie, my son and I were talking about the film again. I plan for us to keep checking in. I am trying to follow Leroy’s advice about a “follow through plan.” Plus, I need the help of my son and his generation to know that this history matters.